A post about bikes, sort of
Today marked my return to the clinical realm after a hiatus of about five months. I was understandably nervous. Perhaps all the modest skill and aplomb I had accumulated over the course of my third year had withered away from neglect. I am quite sure that most of the knowledge accumulated during that time has dissipated. My fears were all the more pronounced because the rotation I began today was Women's Health, i.e., outpatient Ob-Gyn.
Going into that first patient's room and lining up all the instruments was nerve-wracking. Not only was I sure to fumble with the speculum and cytobrush, my Spanish was far rustier than I had anticipated. I couldn't remember how to say "Relax, baby, just let me slide this cold metal alligator up there and do my thing." So I reverted to the old standby "Lo siento, senora, lo siento."
My palms were completely sweaty as I struggled to pull on the latex-free gloves, but I needn't have worried. That cervix popped it's little pink eye right out at me on the first try. It turns out doing pelvic exams is like riding a bike. A smelly, disgusting bike, but still.
Lo siento, mi esposa.
Going into that first patient's room and lining up all the instruments was nerve-wracking. Not only was I sure to fumble with the speculum and cytobrush, my Spanish was far rustier than I had anticipated. I couldn't remember how to say "Relax, baby, just let me slide this cold metal alligator up there and do my thing." So I reverted to the old standby "Lo siento, senora, lo siento."
My palms were completely sweaty as I struggled to pull on the latex-free gloves, but I needn't have worried. That cervix popped it's little pink eye right out at me on the first try. It turns out doing pelvic exams is like riding a bike. A smelly, disgusting bike, but still.
Lo siento, mi esposa.
Nurse: Miss Johnson is ready for her exam.
LLOGG: is that the 300 pound black lady?
Nurse: yes it is.
LLOGG: I am only seeing patients under 125 and completely shaven today. Tell Susie Q over there to see Miss Johnson.
(Comment this)
My wife and I went to this lamaze class while she was pregnant. We saw three different births and one of them showing the birth of the placenta. The doc put the f'in thing in a big container on the bed next to the women. Why the hell did he do that!? Just to scare the poor bastards that were watching the film? I still shiver when I think of that f'in video! (Comment this)
My pecker points to 1 o'clock now every time I get a chubby (I'm a lefty). Would switch hitting correct this over time, or am I doomed to have a crooked wang? (Comment this)
snake, google peyronie disease. (Comment this)
they probably did that b/c the low budget of the video only allowed for one camera or something. In every delivery I've seen it goes on the (semi)sterile table with all of the instruments at the feet. (Comment this)